Thursday, April 9, 2009

Wrestlemania 25 Review

Floyd’s Review for Wrestlemania XXV

Hell yeah WM back in Texas! Houston's less than an hour away but I'm such a poor bastard I didn't go. Should've at least gone to ROH. All well I'm a dumbass. :-( Poor Tazz got the ax right before this show. Released or fired? I doubt he'd choose losing a Wrestlemania paycheck. So were stuck with the JR/Lawler/Cole trifecta.

1. Money-In-The-Bank Ladder Match V: (Kane Vs. Mark Henry Vs. Shelton Benjamin Vs. C.M. Punk Vs. MVP Vs. Kofi Kingston Vs. Fit Finlay Vs. Christian) - Should be a hot opener. Once again the winner gets a shot at a World title whenever he wants. Uh-oh Spanish announcers are here, I’d hate to be sitting at that table tonight. They talk about MVP’s 20 match losing streak, didn’t Kobashi lose like 80 straight? So I wouldn't worry. JR compares Finlay to the Quiet Man, I’d love to see John Wayne in a 50's ladder match. After tossing everyone around like garbage luchadores Kane and Henry square off early. Only 20 seconds in and Cole gets his stupid "Controlled Frenzy" line in. Everyone does dives including a dive bomb by Shelton who nearly kills himself:

<- Shelton's gonna get an earful from his momma. Due to peer pressure, even fatty Mark Henry tries a dive too but gets caught by Finlay. Hornswoggle brings in a step ladder and uses Henry as a platform for the tadpole splash!. Camera misses a kick-ass rolling senton onto the ladder by Finlay on Punk. Lotsa cool moves by Kofi. Christian hits an unprettier off the ladder. Shelton powerbomb/throws MVP to the outside! Wow his neck barely missed the guardrail. Christian and Shelton battle on the top, with Benjamin taking a nasty fall to the outside. Now Punk and Christian fight at the top. Crowd’s for Christian. Christian just about wins it all, but Kane chokeslams him off. Punk quickly recovers and gets the briefcase! Cool opener. Kingston was the man for the first half, Benjamin the second. Punk wins for the 2nd time in a row. ***1/2

Kid Rock plays. Someone on the WWE payroll must have a hard-on for Kid Rock the last few years. Linda McMahon? On one hand he's pretty good here. On the other he plays on and on and on for about 10 minutes which is pretty much an average match length.

2. 25 Women's Battle Royal - No entrance so Fuck trying to figure out the 25 participants. Apparently Sunny was hidden somewhere in there. I did see Molly Holly and I *think* Gail Kim. Pretty much a blur of diva bimbos except for one cutie who wins it all. It's Santina, Santino's twin sister! She cries with emotion upon winning Ms. Wrestlemania, then gives the coolest dance for the crowd. And the crowd loves it! Great start for that young talent. JR: "She must've competed in the Olympics for Eastern Europe in the 60's". DUD

3. Chris Jericho Vs. Ricky Steamboat, Jimmy Snuka & Roddy Piper - Whoa is that Frank Shamrock next to Mickey Rourke? Flair comes out with the legends. For some reason Steamboat half baldness reminds me of Verne Gagne. Looks like it's an elimination match, meaning Jericho needs to defeat all three superstars. Piper demands to start the match. Holy crap Piper is a house of fire! He tries a bodypress then a sunset flip for 2! Kudos to Piper and his two artificial hips (as well as all his recent health problems) going all out. 55 year Steamboat with a chop off the top rope! JR gets to mark out with the Armdragon!!!! Snuka’s the first to go, submitting to the Walls of Jericho. Shining Wizard gets rid of Piper. Steamboat's the last man left and Flair's rooting for him from ringside. Steamboat with a crossbody off the top for a nearfall! With only a few minutes to work with, somehow Steamboat gets the fans behind him to break out of a headlock. Steamboat skins the cat (But the camera missed it!) Steamboat's with a slingshot plancha to the outside! Steamboat hits another chop off he top. Can he win it all? Jericho hits the bulldog but misses the Lionsault. Powerslam gets another close win for Steamboat. Steamboat with an awesome counter to the walls gets a 2.9, crowd thought that was it. Jericho hits the code breaker and gets the win. Steamboat was great. Flair's pissed and rushes the ring. He gets some chops in but ultimately becomes victim #4 to the legend killer. Nasty codebreaker to Flair’s face. Jericho kicks Flair out like garbage and stands tall in his ring. He calls out Mickey Rourke (who looks like a 60 year old Jeff Hardy). Jump those rails Shamrock! Finally after a half an hour of stalling Rourke comes in and knocks Jericho out with one punch. Flair and Rourke celebrate and embrace like the life-long friends they are. After defeating four legends Jericho jobs to the power of the punch. They should've gotten Sean Penn. Jericho/Steamboat ruled though. **1/2

4. Matt Hardy Vs. Jeff Hardy – Problem here is I just don’t see Matt as strong a heel to pull this off. Plus this feud needed a few more months to simmer. This is a no-DQ match. It’s insinuated that Matt started the fire that burned Jeff’s house and dog. Classy. JR says how the Hardys grew up in Charlotte watching WWF religiously. If memory serve I believe that indy Crockett promotion had small present there too. Jeff breaks the ice by hitting Matt with a WM poster, who put that under the ring? Matt counters Jeff’s whisper-in-the-wind mid-air with a chairshot! Matt goes hunting and finds a vacuum cleaner under the ring to waffle Jeff with. My vendetta match would go about the same as this, except my brother would make snide remarks after every beatdown. Matt hits a side effect on a chair! Matt bends Jeff like he was Manami Toyota on the ringpost. Crowd murmurs as Matt gets a table out and sets it up. Matt goes for suplex but Jeff hits a twisting flying clothesline off the apron! Ouch for Jeff. Next up is crutches, then a trashcan. It’s the WWE Hardcore Division 1999. Swanton misses. Man the crowd isn’t into this. Matt signals for his own Swanton to show how's it done but Jeff catches him with a superplex! Jeff hits a chairshot and the crowd goes lukewarm!!!! Jeff puts Matt onto the table outside, then sets up another table on top of that. He hits a top rope splash through both tables and Matt! Damn Jeff nearly sailed right over that. They roll in and Jeff gets a 2 count. Jeff pulls out a huge-ass ladder from under the ring, how do they fit so much stuff down there? Jeff tries his trademark leapfrog off a tall ass ladder legdrop but misses! Matt jams Jeff’s head through a chair and hits a Twist of Fate! Matt beats his brother clean! ***

Video game commercial. They show HHH bodyslamming Andre of course.

5. INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: JBL Vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. - Champ JBL cuts a kickass promo saying your about to see the most dominate victory in WM history and how he's our idol. Rey comes out like the Joker. Why does Rey ALWAYS have to fight bigger dudes? Couldn’t they have given us a 10 minutes Rey/Psychosis match? JBL kicks Rey right in da face before the bell. Match officially starts and before you can say Mamajuana, Rey pins JBL with a splash off he top. New I-C Champ! I expect him to lost to Mark Henry with a month. JBL ‘s shocked and embarrassed. JBL gets the mic and for the first time in his life is at a loss for words. He finally says. “I….I……. … I-Quit!!!” and leaves the ring! DUD

6. Shawn Michaels Vs. The Undertaker – HBK descends from a mini-elevator, Undertaker ascends from the floor. This is gonna be great. HBK avoids punches, feints moves and fires back chops when he can. Finally Undertaker catches HBK in the corner with punches. HBK cleverly fakes an injury to get back on top. Taker comes back with a press slam, then goes old school. Taker goes for a corner knee in the face, but HBK moves and Taker’s leg is hurt! HBK goes for a sharpshoorter (ala Bret), can’t get it, so he clamps on a Figure Four (ala Flair!). Taker gets out and goes back on the deadman offense with corner clotheslines then a snake eyes/big boot. Legdrop gets a 2 count. Taker signals for the early chokeslam win but HBK counters with the crossface! Taker's in trouble but finally gets out with a sidewalk slam. Lots of counters results in the Undertaker's "Hells Gate" MMA triangle choke. HBK barely makes the rope for the break. Both guys are outside now. Taker goes for the apron legdrop but Shawn rolls out of the way. HBK hits a baseball slide then climbs to the top. He tries a twisting moonsault to the outside but misses and just SPLATS on the floor!!! Christ it was like he was a 20 year Cactus Jack or something. Man Shawn should NOT be taking bumps like that at his age. Speaking of bumps you shouldn’t be taking, Taker soars with his now trademark zombie plancha and SHOULD HAVE DIED:

He hits the camera man and how he didn’t end up in a wheelchair I'll never know. Man that was scary. HBK manages to get up and drag the ref back in. He gets the dazed ref to count. Could the streak end in a count out?!!! HBK prays and prays and bites his fingernails. Can HBK avenge his 98 Royal Rumble match? Finally Taker gets back in at the 9.9 count. Now I know they was no way Taker loses in a count out, but his dramatic selling getting back in was freaking awesome. Taker still fucked up though and the streaks in jeopardy. HBK goes for the sweet chin music but gets choked slammed instead! 1…2.… 2.9! Both get back up and this time HBK hits the sweet chin music! Another 2.9 count! More counters but Undertaker finally hits the Last ride for another close win. Looks like All-Japan is making a house call to Wrestlemania this year! After using two of his most devastating moves, Undertaker goes for Shawn’s own top rope elbow but misses! Shawn goes for a clothesline but misses and goes over the ropes. He hangs on and skins the cat, but falls right into he tombstone! Someone get the body bag it’s over! 1…2… 2.9999! That was cool. Taker is in disbelief but he drops the straps and signals it’s over. He goes for tombstone #2 but HBK counters into a DDT. HBK staggers up-top again and hits the elbow! He goes for sweet chin music #2nd and hits it! Taker somehow gets out at 2.999. Exhausted both guys get up and slug it out with everything they have left. Taker runs into a HBK boot. HBK goes for the moonsault but Taker catches him in midair for Tombstone #2!! 1,2,3. And that’s that. 17-0. ****1/2

Great match but I don't see the 5 stars every talking about. But then again, who cares about my opinion? It's what you think that counts! In fact in what's the funniest thing all year over at the F4W boards, Brian Alverez is getting yelled at in 1,000 threads for not giving it a perfect rating. Awesome.

7. SMACKDOWN WORLD TITLE: Edge Vs. John Cena Vs. Big Show - This is for the... Ummmm.. I dunno anymore. The two world title have been switched so many times I've given up. The belt's not important though. What IS important is whoever wins gets Vickie Guerrero's love.

OH NO! Vickie's hurt and in a wheelchair. Chavo rolls her down to ringside. Cena pulls an Eminem and has a whole clone army of Cena’s in his entrance. With the emerging cloning technology on the horizon, I imagine this being Stephanie McMahon's vision of the 2020 roster. You know since Howard Finkel got in the Hall of Fame and all, it would’be been cool to have him do the World title matches. Big Show quickly show his dominance with both Edge and Cena bouncing them around like pinballs. Edge tries to make a deal but Show slams him nutts first on the ring ropes! Show boots Edge out of the ring and works over Cena. Edge dropkicks the ringsteps into big shows knees, then Cena hits top rope legdrop thingy to the floor! Ouch. That could've been BAD for Cena. Back in the ring and FU attempt is countered into a downward spiral for 2. Edge gets dumped and Big Show hits a sidewalk slam on Cena for 2. Chavo earns his WM paycheck by getting Fu’ed on the floor! Big show gets tied in the ropes like ala Andre.

Cena hits the 5-knuckle shuffle. He goes for the FU but Vickie distracts him. Edge goes for the spear but hits Vickie instead! He's sleeping on the couch tonight. Double clothesline and both guys are down. Big Show finally wiggled his way free. Big Show chokeslams Edge out of the ring. Cena goes for the FU on Show but gets thumped on the head instead. Ha Cena just collapsed out of the ring like a rag doll. This whole match has been nothing but people getting dumped out of the ring. Show goes for a chokeslam outside but Edge counters into a DDT on the floor! Edge maneuvers the ring steps for something evil. Edge Stinger Splashes Big Show through the ringside barrier. Now it's just Cena Vs. Edge which is what this match should’ve have been all along. Edge signals for the spear, but Cena catches him into the STFU! They steal from WM 20 with Big Show preventing Edge from tapping. Show goes for the Vader top rope splash but misses. Edge and Cena suplexes Show then clotheslines him out. Cena picks up both guys for an FU but Edge squirms out. Show does gets FU'ed, then Cena Fu's Edge onto Show! Cena pins the Big show for the title! Edge wasn't pinned but loses the title! Rematch next PPV? ***

Hall of Fame time. Austin rides around the ring and gets maybe the biggest pop of the night. Way to make those new stars WWE!

TO THE BACK! Vince and Shane-O meet HHH on the way to the ring but don't follow. Looks like this is HHH fight to avenge Stephanie and the McMahon family name.

8. RAW WORLD TITLE: HHH Vs. Randy Orton – Orton comes out in a T-Shirt with “Stack on dimes” written on it. OK not really. HHH smashes a mirror with his sledgehammer to signify he's a different man for this match and that sledgehammers can break things. HHH attacks Orton and the crowd… ummmm, doesn’t care. Uh-oh, it's HHH/Jericho all over again. Seems if HHH gets DQ’ed he loses the title!. Whoa Orton hit the RKO right out of the gate! Orton goes for the punt but HHH hits the pedigree! Outside HHH splashes water on his face to revive. Back in and HHH risks a DQ with punches. Orton throws HHH into the steps outside. Man the crowd is DEAD. Wait looks like a count-out will give HHH the title too. The rules are all new to me. HHH makes it back in so Orton works the ribs. This is like an empty arena match. Crowd’s coming alive for Orton. No wait I think they’re trying to start the wave. Holy shit that AWESOME! They're so bored for a WM MAIN EVENT they're starting a wave. For gods sake someone get Stone Cold back out here. Or Steamboat. Orton senses they’re losing the crowd so he ups the excitement with a long headlock!

Cole hasn’t said anything for awhile, think his mic got messed up, so I should be enjoying this more. Back and forth punches. HHH with the knee based offense then hits a stinger splash. Watch those quads, Trips! Orton catches HHH coming of the top with a sweet dropkick. Both guys are down. Orton goes for the 50 yard field goal but HHH catches the leg. HHH almost willingly gives up his title to smash Orton with a TV monitor but decides not too. Orton backdrops HHH onto the announcer table. Orton his the Stephanie McMahon DDT on the floor. HHH is out! Remember if he can’t get back in, Orton's the new champ. HHH gets in at the 11 count. Not a typo. Orton is stunned and starts kicking in HHH's ribs. Ref gets bumped. RKO to HHH! Orton rolls out and gets the sledgehammer the Hardy's left under the ring. Run-in time? HHH’s punts Orton in the noggin coming back in!! Revenge! HHH illegally uses the sledgehammer while he ref is still down. Crowd boos that. Where is Legacy?!?! HHH hits the pedigree and retains the title! Revenge is his and he won it on his own. Match went just under an hour. I await CM Punk’s music but he never comes out. Instead WM ends with JR saying “And the Game plays on….” **

OK Wrestlemania. Taker/HBK was awesome, MITB really good and seeing Steamboat was fun. Everything else was just kinda there.

How about you. What did you think of the show?

WM 25 Grade:
Total star rating: 18.50
Total matches: 8
Show Average: **1/4